Can Friendships Extend Beyond Boarders?

“I feel excluded from the day students, and I feel like they don’t want to talk to me because I’m an international student,” an Athenian junior boarding student said. This statement has been said not only once, but multiple times over the years. 

By contrast, a freshman day student expressed an opposing point of view. “I don’t have many chances to talk to the boarders,” they remarked. “First, I don’t really have any boarder friends. Second, I always think that they don’t really want to talk to day students.” This disparity in opinion is evidence that issues of inclusion and belonging are complicated ones. 

The question of how intentional (or unintentional) such exclusion might be was pointed out by a sophomore boarding student. “It feels like it’s more boarders staying together than not trying to interact with day students…when Main Hall is only open to boarders, boarders will tend to stay indoors and have lunch with boarders instead of going outside to mix.”

A 2020 alum, who was an international boarding student during their time at Athenian, agreed with this point of view.  “ I have to admit, it was quite difficult to jump into a new culture and environment and just branch out. Plus, a lot of the people in my grade went to middle school together, so there were already friend groups. Instead of trying to figure out how I could fit in…I found [myself] more connected with other international students who speak the same language as I do or share similar cultures.” 

A junior day student had deeper thoughts on self-isolation and the potential need for an adaptation period. “I think there’s an unstated division between day students and boarders. And that may be due to a language barrier or just different interests.”  

But not everybody has clear ideas on why this separation exists. “I honestly have a hard time figuring out why there’s a barrier,” another day student said. “My best guess is it’s a combination that boarders become friends in the dorm and feel comfortable with each other, and then day students don’t really go out of their way to get to know the boarders. And also I know there are pretty strict rules for living in the dorms, and, like, freshman year, when you get to know people, it might feel easier for day students to be friends with people who don’t have those restrictions.” 

       But could it be a simple misunderstanding to think that boarders don’t want to hang out with the day students? Maybe boarders tend to feel more comfortable talking to someone who shares the same cultural background as them. However, can anything be done to break this barrier?

“I don’t think there is a solution for this problem,”  a junior day student said. “We can’t force the day students to hang out with the boarders, as well as the other way round. I think the best we can do is to be nice to each other and treat the boarders like how we treat the day students.” 

A sophomore boarder agreed. “Honestly, I don’t know what we can do to break the barrier. It is hard for both boarders and day students. For me, I think it is fine that they don’t interact with each other as much. It’s their own decision who to hang out with.” 

While some international students may think that they’re being excluded, other international students may not really care about not talking to day students, since they already have their own friends in the boarding community. Day students may have similar ideas. 

Does this mean that day students will forever only be friends with the day students and the boarders will forever only be friends with the boarders? Hopefully one day this divide will be resolved.