10/17 Update: I Listened to the Billboard Top 10 So You Don’t Have To
Photo Credits: lev radin / Shutterstock.com
By Gianna Beltramo
Hello, and welcome to my column! I’m Gianna and I have frequently wondered what is going on in the world of popular music, and this is my attempt to figure it out. Every other week (and yes, I know that the Billboard lists update on Tuesday, which is highly unfortunate because it means that I’m doomed to forever be at least a week behind), I will be rating the top songs in the US as well as dishing out a steaming hot plate of commentary. (Please note that in the event that the Billboard doesn’t change that much, I might also do some music video reviews or something else on the side to spice things up a bit. On a similar note, when I was reviewing the songs, I did not watch the music videos to stop that from influencing anything. This is about the music.)
10. Mr. Right Now - 21 Savage & Metro Boomin feat. Drake
Everything about this screams “why.” Allow me to phrase it as a question: Why? I don’t know. I have no answers. Nothing makes sense anymore. This song is just bad. I dislike it so much that I can’t even think of a reason. I just do. Considering that these three gents have almost 31 million YouTube subscribers between them you’d really expect this song to have more views. And while I understand that music videos generally get more views than just the audio versions, these people have taken the polar opposite of what I like to call “the Justin Bieber approach” and have only posted the one video. That can only be a good thing: the less of a presence this song has in the world, the better. 64/100.
9. Runnin - 21 Savage & Metro Boomin
If asked to identify a single word in this song that is not “runnin,’” I would be unable to do so. It’s akin to a plate of spaghetti, in that you can identify what it is as a concept, but upon close examination all you can see is a tangled heap. Sure, you can pick out bits of different strands of pasta, but you can’t actually separate individual noodles. This song is kind of a mess (much like that simile), but it’s not the worst mess I’ve ever heard. The combination of vinyl record-esque crackling and creepy whispering at the beginning provides for a momentary unintentional ASMR experience before you’re forced to listen to the rest of the song. This may be an odd comparison, but the way he says “runnin’” reminds me of Seek & Destroy by Metallica (which is much more my-speed, and also an all-around better song). It’s not absolutely horrible, but I would describe it as being somewhat less than “okay.” I have no idea how to translate that into a number, so I’ll give it a C+ and call it a day. 78/100.
8. I Hope - Gabby Barrett feat. Charlie Puth
See 10/4
7. Rockstar - DaBaby feat. Roddy Ricch
See 10/4
6. Blinding Lights - The Weeknd
See 10/4
5. Laugh Now Cry Later - Drake
See 10/4
4. Mood - 24kGoldn feat. Iann Dior
See 10/4
3. WAP - Cardi B feat. Megan Thee Stallion
See 10/4
2. Dynamite - BTS
See 10/4
1. Savage Love (Laxed - Siren Beat) - Jawsh 685 and Jason Derulo
See 10/4
A Cumulative Ranking
(Songs are ranked on a scale of 1/100 based on how much I personally liked them, as well as whatever comments on the actual quality of the music I made.)
Blinding Lights - 95 (A)
I Hope - 91 (A-)
Laugh Now Cry Later - 89 (B+)
Mood - 87 (B)
Savage Love - 81 (B-)
Runnin - 78 (C+)
WAP - 77 (C)
Dynamite - 70 (C-)
Rockstar - 66 (D)
Mr. Right Now - 64 (D)
