10/10 Update: I Listened to the Billboard Top 10 So You Don’t Have To
Photo Credit: Christian Bertrand / Shutterstock.com
By Giana Beltramo
Hello and welcome to my column! I’m Gianna and I have frequently wondered what is going on in the world of popular music, and this is my attempt to figure it out. Every other week (and yes, I know that the Billboard lists update on Tuesday, which is highly unfortunate because it means that I’m doomed to forever be at least a week behind), I will be rating the top songs in the US as well as dishing out a steaming hot plate of commentary. (Please note that in the event that the Billboard doesn’t change that much, I might also do some music video reviews or something else on the side to spice things up a bit. On a similar note, when I was reviewing the songs, I did not watch the music videos to stop that from influencing anything. This is about the music.)
Hi! Great column. Moving forward, I would really suggest changing the review format so that there is less repetition and something for you to do in the weeks moving forward.
10. I Hope - Gabby Barrett feat. Charlie Puth
See 10/4
9. Watermelon Sugar - Harry Styles
See 10/4
8. Savage Love (Laxed - Siren Beat) - Jawsh 685 and Jason Derulo
See 10/4
7. Rockstar - DaBaby feat. Roddy Ricch
See 10/4
6. Blinding Lights - The Weeknd
See 10/4
5. Mood - 24kGoldn feat. Iann Dior
See 10/4
4. Laugh Now Cry Later - Drake
See 10/4
3. WAP - Cardi B feat. Megan Thee Stallion
See 10/4
2. Dynamite - BTS
See 10/4
1. Franchise - Travis Scott feat. Young Thug & M.I.A.
At this point, I’m immune to surprises. This song simply exudes popularity. It was made to be #1, though that’s redundant considering most singles are, in fact, created with that very goal in mind. Maybe I’ve not grown immune to Billboard-induced surprise; maybe I’m finally realizing that such a ranking was not created for shock value. Upon pushing the dreaded “play” button, my brain immediately thought “Wow, WAP went grunge” and that’s not the kind of idea that is easy to rid one’s mind of. Upon further inspection, it only kind of sounds exactly like WAP. He really overdid it with the bass, though. Oh boy. You start the song and your ears explode. It’s an experience, and that’s all I will say about that. Coming back to that “grunge” idea, however, it sounds the way a hazardous waste facility smells—or at least the intro. After that, it lightens up a bit. Less strange background clanging noises. If I had to compare the energy/vibe/mood/tone of this song to that of a concept I made up in about ten seconds, it would be this: an Instagram post consisting of a very blurry, poorly-lit selfie of three 26-year-old men (two of whom are wearing sunglasses) in a dark room at 10:42 PM and a caption reading “vibin with the homies.” At the end of the day, I got more entertainment out of writing this review than listening to the song, so I’m going to give it (the song) a 73/100.
A Cumulative Ranking
(Songs are ranked on a scale of 1/100 based on how much I personally liked them, as well as whatever comments on the actual quality of the music I made.)
Blinding Lights - 95 (A)
I Hope - 91 (A-)
Laugh Now Cry Later - 89 (B+)
Mood - 87 (B)
Savage Love - 81 (B-)
WAP - 77 (C)
Franchise - 73 (C)
Dynamite - 70 (C-)
Rockstar - 66 (D)
Watermelon Sugar - 64 (D)
